her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
