return my video game
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
