I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
