i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
