I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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