She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
