Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
