I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
