Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
