if i can run in heels then i can drive
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
4 words: hood of his car
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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