I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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