I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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