oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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