i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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