I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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