First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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