i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
