im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
