It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
home. puking in laundry basket.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
