Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
