you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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