Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
