if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
