There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
