Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
