My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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