Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
