You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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