my mouth tastes like poor choices
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
