This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
