just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
