batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
