Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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