I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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