I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
