Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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