You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
