it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
