so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
