Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
