How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
