This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
