Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
