I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
