Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
