david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
