He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
