she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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