Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
