So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
