Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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