Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
