Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
