tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
